Dr. Know


 
 
I n our last article we approached the awareness of how the past intrudes or influences the present. Simply put, how does experience from the past color my understanding of current experience and emotions? This behavior pattern, which we call transference can be both conscious and unconscious.
Dr. J. Leff
Printing 010405-04

Before we go into this subject at greater length, remember that there are “givens” which greatly influence human behavior. Lets attribute them to our emotional makeup. It determines  how we process human events. But first a word of caution. When we talk of female or male behavior, it is easy to generalize and stereotype. These generalities are not necessarily sex linked, but frequently are.

If I am an eagle flying two hundred feet high and I look down and see two people wearing baseball caps, I will not be aware of their sexual differences. But I assure you that in any fifteen minute argument with my wife over who sees what, she will claim she can make the man/woman distinction.

I believe I am cognitive, intelligent and reasonable. I prefer not to raise my voice and would like to think that my arguments substantiate my position. Not she. She expresses herself the way she feels and with a good deal and flash of emotion. I remember traveling one day in our car and taking exception to my wife's point of view. In my exasperation I said for “for God's sake will you be reasonable”. She turned towards me and in sarcasm and emotion said  “Reasonable, you are the famous analyst you be reasonable, there is no way I need to be”. After a stab of anger, I laughed. We are different. She was going to express herself the way she felt with a great deal of emotion. I know what I think and she knows what she feels.

This can be a source of contention, but our partners do not need to act or react the same way we do. They should complement us. She brings emotional fiber and timber to my life and I hope my understanding and my intellect brings something of value to hers. Separately we have a clear identity, but, considered jointly I believe the music is fuller and the fabric of our lives richer.

Let's call this complimentarily, an important factor in human partnerships.

 

by Dr. J. Leff

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