One can say that female feeling comfortable
to the commitment allows other components
of her personality to emerge. The man
in turn frequently feels locked in.
(These characteristics are not always
sex linked, a woman can also feel locked
in as well, we can discuss this at
a later date)
Once familiarity sets in does it
make it for friendship & intimacy
or wit as a famous line from a Clark
Gable movie “ contempt “.
As the social sophistications and allowances
of the romantic phase early give way
to the conflicts as the couple regresses
to bouts of developmental fixation
points. Who we are and how we come
to the fate of a real relationship.
This is what the man fears. He will
be called upon to gratify the needs
and expectations of the woman and criticisms
if she is disappointed, while his wish
for autonomy and independence is objected
Some men like to escape. They fantasy
a house on top of a mountain with a
grand view. Let me give you an illustration.
A young man I know had an apartment
on the 72 nd floor of a great building.
On a clear day he could see the east
River and the tri-Borough Bridge and
to the west the George Washington Bridge
and all of Central Park. He could not
see humans since he was too high.
one winter the park was frozen over
and it was a beautiful desolate view
like flying over Greenland. Tired and
empty he decided to exchange the beautiful
but lonely apartment for a beautiful
woman, who was blonde and blue eyed
and lonely as an ice Goddess. Beautiful
to look at and admire, but emotionally
cool and removed, emotionally quite
So idealizations can be sustained
from a distance but do not last up-close
in a real relationship. So how does
this relate to someone as they and
Lets explore this.
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